Lessons from Beth

I am thankful for God's word! I am also thankful for Godly teachers of His word. God is showing me some huge things about myself. Some I like, some I don't. I believe God is constantly molding us into the person He wants us to be through day to day life. "God's not finished with me yet" is an old saying but full of truth.

If you know me very well, you know I'm a planner, pretty much a routine kinda gal~ you know that rarely do I sit down during the day. Like most other moms there is always stuff to be done and my endless quest to stay ahead of the game wears me out sometimes. From the minute my feet hit the floor til I go to bed at night I seem to be doing chores of some sort many of which I could probably ignore if I could figure out how to not let it make me nuts! Endless towel folding, I'm obsessed with the kitchen being in a constant state of clean and I find it necessary to vaccum the entire house atleast once a day. I realize this can become a problem and has in the past when something or someone interrupts my routine.

I sometimes feel like a clown trying to keep all the balls in the air and when one falls down I find myself struggling. This weekend there was a series of ball drops. I had an agenda, MY AGENDA, that involved lots and lots of yardwork. It's our last real weekend to work in the yard until baseball ends mid-July and everything was going fine until Kyleigh decided it would be a good day to bath the dogs, both of them. My 1st reaction was not today and then I thought why not~ I decided what's the harm, she can handle it and off she went. She did a great job UNTIL she thought it was a wise idea to let them in the house to dry them off (HELLO, what's the sun and 90 degree weather for I wanted to say??) - I walked in the opposite door as she is trying to shoo them out and in the meantime the kitchen floor is soaked. I didn't have 'mopping the floor' on my agenda. I yelled at her to get them out. I then walked to my room so I didn't further say more to damage her. I locked my door and the phone rang. It was Lori. Thank goodness. I vented HUGE to her and she just listened and occasionally chuckled. I'm sure I sounded ridiculous and over what? Some water on the wood floor - it wasn't really that tho, it was affecting my agenda ` one of the balls dropped !! Seriously, that is not healthy. As I sat in my chair and flipped through a magazine calming myself and silently I prayed for peace and wisdom and a priority check...a small knock on my door!!

Outside the door sweet Preslie says, Mommy, it's okay, I got some towels to clean it up and it's all better now. TOWELS!!! Are you kidding me!!!! That means more laundry! Are you following my irrational thoughts??? I as sweetly as I could thanked her for being so thoughtful and helpful and kept my rage for more laundry silent. So, I sat and rocked and prayed, felt better. Really, I did. I apologized and asked Ky to forgive me, which she did. I am thankful that children are so quick to forgive! I truly am because often there is something I say or do that I need to ask their forgiveness for. The day went on. Then not much later I came through the house for something and Hunter asks me where the carpet cleaner is!? What? Yep, he walked through the den w/ mud on his feet. I shook my head, told him I didn't know and turned around, back to my room and my chair. This seemed to be working. No shouting, no rage - I locked the door again, and Preslie knocks. She wants to visit and make sure I'm okay because a mommy who goes quietly to her room, locks the door and needs alone time is not something she is used to. Sweet Preslie. I really was okay. I was enjoying the quiet and silence of my room, my own little world. Anyway, she 'visited' with me through the door for 5-10 minutes and I felt better. Out I went, the carpet was clean, the kitchen was mopped, the towels were in the laundry and all the balls were back in the air. No real damage done. I am thankful for that.



The lessons....I am really learning things about myself, some I need to embrace, some need to change. Clearly putting my agenda ahead of eternal importance is not good. My head knows that. I just need to work on applying that day to day! I am learning though and I have two habits I am developing more and more each day. Two things I don't let much take me away from but it is an agenda that is beneficial. I love my quiet bible reading time each day and early in the morning (well, early to me) is best. Psalm 5:3 tells us to seek Him early in the morning and anticipate Him to respond. He is so faithful to do that each and every day! Another 'habit' is that every Wednesday at 1:00 I sit down with the same lunch I've eaten for almost a year and a half (more of that comfort in predictability I'll hit on later) and watch Wednesdays with Beth on Life Today with James and Betty Robison. Talk about someone who is walking with God. She is. Lately she's been talking on Comfort. Being comfortable is something everyone likes. Not too hot, too cold, too full, too hungry, too busy, too bored, too anything. I like comfortable things. Who doesn't? I have things in my life that make me feel comfortable - hot chocolate on a cold morning, my electric blanket on cold nights, a soft bed, a warm shower, the presence of my family, and a million other things. I love the feeling of comfort I get just walking into our home. It's not a grand house. It's just right. It's the place I feel at home. I've also realized in the past few weeks that my comfort also comes from being in control of things, great and small and having things in my life very predictable. Last weekend was not predictable and my reaction needs some fine tuning.

I believe I am the way I am because God created me that way. I have a bent towards certain things. I like routine and predicatability. It works for me. I do almost everything the same way all the time. My kids are on a very predictable schedule. I polled them to make sure : ) They say they like knowing what 'comes next' in each day~ I do pretty much the same things at the same time all the time and I like it that way. It's comfortable. BUT (yeah, you knew it was coming) I am learning that it has locked me into a state of not being very flexible and when one of the balls is dropped my reaction isn't always grand. So, I am working on being less comfortable in my structure and I think that's a good thing. It's summertime. I need less structure and I think I will find the world still works without me controlling everything to fit my agenda. My agenda is good so long as each day begins and ends with asking God to direct my steps. His ways are higher than my ways, His thoughts are higher than my thoughts. He is in control, not me even tho at times I feel like I fool myself into thinking I am when I keep all those balls in the air! So even when I think that my need to control or have things be predictable is good, that is only the case when He is doing the leading. I want my focus to be on the eternal, not the temporary. My children, spending time with them, helping guide them and enjoy them.......that is an eternal focus. There will always been towels to fold, dishes to clean and errands to run but my kids will only be this age a short time and I don't want to let my agenda come before God's agenda.