A Milestone

Well, I just celebrated my 5 year mark of being cancer-free! I am beyond thankful. No words can fully express my thankfulness but I know God knows my heart and I do pray that my life is a reflection of my gratitude day in and day out. I don't see life the same as I did before. I don't see most anything the way I did five years ago. I view everything through completely different lenses.

July 3, 2003, 2 words changed my life forever. Waking up, still groggy from the biopsy my sweet doctor took my hand and said "I'm concerned" - I knew. From that moment on life would never be the same but today I can truly say that I am so thankful for the blessings I would have otherwise missed had it not been for my journey through cancer. I can even say I am thankful for it all - Just proof that God is true to His word and that He does work all things out for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose! From that moment in recovery to the present day I am totally awed by God's provisions and his HUGENESS in my life. Every day. Immediately He provided encouragement through the nurses in that room. They began encouraging me with prayer, their personal testimonies and God continually put people in my path that were a huge encouragement to me. Angels in the flesh. I really do believe that. I could write a book on the provisions from God over the past 5 years that are truly amazing!

I feel a bit like George Bailey from "It's a Wonderful Life" - not so much in the way my life has touched others but much more in how I got a huge gift to see the love and importance of others in my life. Sometimes we save our feelings for one another so long that they never get said until a funeral. I always thought it so strange that people would talk about how they felt, things they remembered, things that touched their lives at someones funeral for others to hear but never the person they were talking about - I don't want the people in my life to miss out on knowing how much I value them and how much I love and care for them!

Doctors speak a lot in statistics. Lots of odds, facts, numbers, etc - It seemed a blur as I sat there trying to absorb it all. Five years stuck out though. They say if you are cancer free after five years you are cured ~ I thought, 5 years - that seemed like an eternity especially as I saw my then 5 month old baby in her carrier. Five years might as well have been 5 million years. I just was trying to get through the day, the first surgery, the first chemo, the first hair that would fall.... But I did. Day by day and my total dependence was on God, His word, His presence, His promises - I would wake up and thoughts would flood my head and I'd get out God's word and it calmed me. I wrote scriptures in my notebook so I could read them anytime I was fearful or afraid and the peace that only comes from God would wash over me. It still does. God became real to me over these past five years like never before.

Anyway, I just am thankful for my life. I am thankful that I get to spend each day here with my family and my friends and I am thankful that I am changed. I certainly haven't reached the place God wants me to be and even if I did, I'm sure He'd find ways to continue to mold me into the person He desires, but I am just so very grateful for my health, the health of my family and friends, my life and each and every day!