He had truly gone before me and opened doors no one could shut. His provisions were in place. His timing was perfect and as always His ways higher and better.
This season of Easter, and every Easter, I'm awed by God's grace and mercy - all rooted in His love. It's hard to fathom how anyone, much less a holy, perfect God would die a horrid death to save someone like me. Knowing I would sin. Reject Him. Betray Him. Ignore Him. Walk without Him. Doubt Him. Question Him. Go my own way. Let pride and selfishness be far too commonplace. But, He did. He loved me (and you) first, best, purest and because of that Jesus came, in the flesh. Fully God in the flesh of a person.
While reading scripture about the last supper Jesus shared with His disciples I was struck hard with a truth. Jesus would wash the very feet of the one who would betray him. He would pray for and ask God to forgive those who spit in His face, crowned Him with thorns and beat His body. Leaving Him hanging as they hurled insults and lies. Instead of hate, He loved. He forgave the unforgivable. He paid it all for my sin and my sickness. He loved this world enough to die. He forgave it all. He deserved none of it.
He rose and He lives. He is the only risen Savior. Perfect lamb of God.
So, I couldn't help but make the connection between this incredible truth and the PBS show. I listened in awe and was hit with the reality that God worked more than one miracle in my life. Nothing compares to what Jesus did. Nothing!! But, the truth of it hit me so hard and gratefulness overwhelmed me. He brought me back to life with His death and resurrection and again with the miracle of modern medicine. With one He provided eternal life. With the other, he extended my earthly life.
Rick and I sat in the oncologist office in July of 2003. I didn't even know what an oncologist was before that. Hunter was 11, Kyleigh was 6, Addison was barely 3 and Preslie was 6 months old. My doctor said words no one wants to hear and I stopped listening. Fortunately, Rick kept listening and began thinking for us both. The doctor spoke of chemo and hair loss. Statistics and survival rates. Then he spoke of a clinical trial. My ears perked up, but not for interest sake. All I could think was no way, I'm not going to be an experiement. I didn't listen to to a word the clinical trial doctors said to us. I just wanted to be well and I didn't want to go with anything less than a sure thing. If there was such a thing.
Rick listened and talked me into trying. It looked hopeful and could be a real weapon in the war. Herceptin. A drug they'd been developing and finding great success with in treating the type of cancer I was diagnosed with having. At the end of 8 rounds of chemo I would go weekly back to the oncologist office for 52 weeks to receive this drug. For two hours every week I would let this drug run through my body. I would receive a drug that could change my life. Virtually no side effects and it had great promise. So, ultimately I agreed. I embraced being a guinea pig and I prayed that God would let this be an answer for me and for others after me.
So, I did it. And glory to God, I am about to celebrate 12 years of being 100% cancer free. He extended my life because He is a good, loving and gracious God. I didn't deserve it. I don't want to waste a minute! The fact that He has given me every single day to live on this earth knowing and loving Him more and spending time loving and knowing the people He has blessed my life with - how do I put into words what a gift each day is to me.
But, here's the reality He let me see through that PBS special. I hadn't known so I couldn't fully appreciate how big this was. I wouldn't hear of Herceptin until 2003. But, in 1992 - interestingly enough the year Hunter was born, a progressive and brilliant team of doctors made some huge discoveries in cancer research. They learned about a gene in cancer that overproduced a protein. Herceptin was developed and tried on this and found to be extraorodinary in erasing it and its aggressive nature. The battle to get this drug approved and tested would be huge. And long. Years.
Fortunately, due to the determination and belief in it, the team of doctors would not give up. They persevered. In 1997, the year Kyleigh was born, they were finally able to get a clinical trial began. In a small trial with about twenty women, this drug was used. The results were impossible to ignore. But, it wasn't made available (red tape and $$) and unfortunately, many people needlessly died waiting.
Finally, 6 years later, just when I would need it, it became available in a clinical trial for people like me. The trials were expanded to reach more people. To save others. Those doctors hard work and determination were about to pay off. How grateful I am!!
Interestingly enough, I had chosen another doctor, but oddly enough ;) she was out of town. My surgeon referred me to the doctor I ended up staying with. He sent us over to his office immediately that day. Rick and I went back to meet him and I remember so clearly that Mom had Preslie sitting on a blanket in the oncology office. I remember thinking all of this is so wrong. My baby shouldn't be sitting here and her mama shouldn't be fighting for her life. But, we were. And while the journey was painful, my God has faithfully brought beauty from ashes. In more ways than I can testify to - He has been faithful.
So, Rick and I met our new doctor and I knew he was the best choice. He was part of God's plan for me. Not only was he exactly what I needed in a doctor- he was the only one who had the clinical trial of this drug I'd never heard of - Herceptin. Eleven years in the making. As with most things of value, the price tag was steep. About $50,000 per week. I think we'd of paid anything though. However, we got to be part of a trial. After all the years of doctors fighting to make this drug available, it was free to me. All I had to do was accept to receive it. It would be part of what God used to save my life.
The gift of salvation is free. It can't be earned or paid for by me. Or you. It's a gift God gave to the world. Because of love. All we have to do is set aside our pride and receive it. It cost Him everything. It's free to anyone who will receive it. What better time than this day. Easter weekend.
Part way through my clinical trial the results could no longer be explained or ignored. They accepted no one else into the clinical trial, but instead made it available to anyone who needed it. It would become part of the protocal in treating Her2Nu+ breast cancer. I pray no one reading this will ever need it. But, the good news is that it's available.
The greater truth is, we all need Jesus. Some people are sick and don't even know it. Lost. In need of Him. Unless we tell them, how will they know? God gave us Jesus. He is the way, truth and life and Jesus is available to all and ready to change hearts and lives. I know it's true because He has changed me. I am not the same. His ways are greater!
Easter isn't about bunnies and chocolate filled baskets ~ we celebrate the resurrection of our Savior.
No comments:
Post a Comment