This week I ended my 7.5 week hiatus from doctor appointments and treatments! While I enjoyed feeling a bit more ordinary, I am happy to begin this next phase! There's something oddly comforting about actively doing some treatments. 

I met with the radiology team for what they called a 'dry run' earlier this week. They take some images and make sure the radiation would be done according to plan. I have to say that visit triggered a minor  meltdown of sorts. It was just a big dose of reality. I had a good cry and somehow that's always healing. 

I have heard your prayer and seen your tears and I will heal you. 

Words God spoke toward Hezekiah in 2 Kings. I'm trusting He's heard my prayer, sees my tears and has healed me, too. Again. 

Through the treatments, there are times when I feel invisible and as kind and compassionate as most of the people I encounter are, they're focusing on a treatment plan and this is standard, ordinary, normal for them.

Not so much for me. 

However, I have the same team each day, which is such a comfort to me. They recognize me and call me by name - and I them. Andrew is my lead and he's kind and engaging and tells me details that ease my mind. But, on that dry run day as I lay on the table, vulnerable and unsure - they drew marks all over my chest with a Sharpie and placed stickers to guide the machine.

It hit me hard. 

It's just part of the journey. The path to health and each day brings me one step closer to closing this chapter. But, along the journey, I'm finding ways to trust God more. To rest in His presence. 

As chemo drips through the tube into the port in my chest I knew something was being done. There was evidence of it, but not so much with radiation. Not yet anyway. 

I can't tell anything is happening short of the sounds the machine makes. Through the five minutes of radiation it's hard to know anything is happening. But, it is. And sometimes it's like that with God. Even when I can't see it, He's near. He's at work. He hasn't forgotten me and that's when the trust comes in on my part. 

And out of His compassion and graciousness, He gives me little reminders along the way that speak so deeply to my heart and assure me He holds me in His mighty hand. Andrew led me to the room to change and it was room #7 - God's perfect number. The number of completion, perfection. And I know God knows that's meaningful to me. He speaks to us in such personal ways. He knows. 

I go to that same room each time and walking through that door I thank God for His presence and provision and sweet reminders that He is walking right through this valley with me! 

And yesterday, I left dressing room #7 and headed down that long hallway back to the waiting room. I heard Andrews voice behind me, calling  my name - 'You missed your turn' he said to me and I turned around and reminded him that I was directionally challenged. He laughed and pointed me in the right direction. 

There are many voices along this journey and just as I recognized Andrew's voice calling my name - so much more do His sheep hear His voice and follow. Prone to get lost. Prone to wander. 

Find me faithful has been my prayer all along ~ and I have failed at times ~ and as He gently guides me and says to me, this is the way, walk in it I find Him faithful every step. 

All for His glory~ 

Mindi