Yesterday I completed 17 radiation treatments. I'm half-way through and these daily treatments have been good for me. Really. I am so grateful that I have access to excellent medical care and treatments God is using for my good. And His glory. 

As I lay on that table, no doubt an incredibly expensive machine, great power, effective ~  I am in a vulnerable position. Exposed and without any control physically. But, I've been reminded that it's not a battle of flesh and blood. No, it's a spiritual battle and God has given me everything I need to stand firm.

His presence is with me. He is the Prince of Peace! He keeps me in His perfect peace because I keep my mind steadfast, trusting Him.  

Yes, though I walk through the valley of deep darkness, He is with me. He has a rod and a staff. I am His sheep and He is my great Shepherd. Sheep were never intended to carry loads. So, I cast my cares at His feet because He cares for me.  He knows my name. He uses His staff to keep me close and the rod to beat away the enemies seeking to devour me. 

The lord himself goes before me and He will be with me; He will never leave me or forsake me. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged. 

I am His sheep and I listen to His voice and He calls His sheep by name and leads them out.

Does it matter that He knows my name?! It does! Through the past 9 months, God has reminded me in so many ways that He sees me, He knows me, He has not forsaken me. God-winks some call them.  After about the 2nd day I walked into a full waiting room at radiation, the receptionists, both of them, call me by name. One calls me "Min" which is a name my family uses. Personal. 

They see hundreds of people in a day. They do not call each person by name. I've listened and watched. As soon as I walk up, they greet me by name. And that is comforting to me. To be seen. To be known. And I really believe God has used that as a personal way to remind me, He sees me and He knows my name. 

I may not have control over the physical parts. I'm somewhat at the mercy of doctors and side effects of various treatments.  But, I choose to place my care into their hands. I can't physically control my hair falling out or growing back. If my skin burns or doesn't. Side effects of various treatments are not something I can control. 

But,  I do have weapons to use and His weapons are effective. His power is mighty! We're told in Ephesians that the struggle...it's against powers of the dark world and forces of evil in spiritual realms. There is a battle.

Good news...we win because He won! 

So, I may have on a flimsy robe, but underneath, I put on the armor of God so I can stand my ground. And it may look like I'm laying down, but on the inside I am standing firm.  I have the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, shoes of peace, and a shield that extinguishes EVERY flaming arrow the evil one shoots my way! And can I just tell you what you know - he doesn't take a break! I have the helmet of salvation and the word of God - which is the sword of the spirit! There is protection. There are weapons and I can stand firm. 

And one piece that is often left out - prayer. But it is vital. It sustains me. It connects me to His power. 

I pray. No one can take that away and I am able to boldly approach the throne of grace to receive mercy! There is a battle raging and He's not left me without weapons. So, I pray and I lay there and I pray His word, and I take captive every thought to the obedience of Christ and I remind myself of truth and I thank Him that every single radiation beam will accomplish His good purposes and I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! 

I am seeing it and it is good and I will keep walking through this valley of deep darkness. He is light. In Him there is no darkness.  And as my son reminds me from time to time ~ what the enemy meant for evil, my God will use for good to accomplish what is now being done! 

The valley of deep darkness is not my destination. He's prepared a table for me. And His goodness and love are pursuing me. But, they can only pursue me if I'm moving! Not standing still! So I will be still and know that He is God, but I will keep walking through. 

And, I won't rush this process because all 33 treatments are being used for my good...

All for His Glory ~

Mindi