Jesus Loves Me This I Know

God shows His mercies to me in so many ways. Alzheimer's has stolen a lot from my family. A lot from my dad. But God's mercies always trump it! Always. I'm awed by Him. In the midst of the deepest sadness I've ever felt I get to experience His wondrous love in precious ways.

I'm really missing my dad. I can't tell you the times I've wondered why God has allowed him to still be here. It's painful to watch this disease rob my dad of his mind. However, I know atleast one reason tonight. God is merciful.

God knew I needed to see him again. Today, I needed to touch his hands and remember how they feel not only in my mind, but on my hands. I needed to see that shade of green that only appear in my dads eyes. To see a glimpse of his smile and hear his voice. To watch those all too familiar mannerisms that I love. I needed to hear "I love you" from my dad. I needed to just be sure he knew how much I loved him and I needed to tell him how thankful I am that he's my dad. I wanted him to hear the words I love you from me. Mercy.

How merciful that I can go see my dad and not only in my mind. So, I will no longer wonder why he's still here instead of in his heavenly, eternal home - fully restored. He's here because God is merciful to me. I'm not ready for the day to come when I can't go touch his hands, see his eyes light up, see his smile, hear his voice, feel his hug and though his words may be few the three that show Gods mercy he still speaks to me - I love you he says. Mercy.

I speak to Dad memories that are precious to me. God, through his mercies brings new memories to me daily. How grateful I am for an abundance of great memories with my dad. I can almost always trigger his memory too! Mercy.

My dad went through a phase not long ago of singing Jesus Loves Me. How grateful I am to know my dad, even in his confusion still knows it to be true. Oh how He loves us. That's mercy.

His eyes, though downcast most of the time anymore - they show me a moment of life when he looks up and sees me. Daddy knows me every single time I see him. Mercy.

As we sit in silence for the majority of our visits he speaks words that assure me he knows I'm there and he hasn't forgotten everything........he remembers me as his daughter. How I needed to be reminded of that at my visit with him - "Honey, what are you going to do now?" he quietly asks. I just wanted to come see you Dad. "I'm glad you did." Mercy.

When I cried at the pain I felt seeing him in the hospital, God allowed my dad to be sensitive to see it and for a moment or two he was my dad. He hugged and comforted me with words 'oh, Min, don't cry' he said 'it's okay' - Mercy!

My dad isn't fully the man I have always known but God, in His mercy, shows me glimpses of the man I know and love as my dad. I am grateful I can go see him and experience my dad. I'm grateful that when the days comes and he leaves this world for his eternal home with Jesus I can be sure that one day I will be with him again. Mercy!