I Am Not God

For the second week in a row I've taken one of our girls to the church to leave for camp. I confess I don't like it at all. I'm not good when one of my own is not here. All she had to do was say she didn't want to go and I'd help her unpack. I would have done that with our other girl last week too. She didn't say it though. Neither did our girl this week. Even though her eyes got teary she boarded the church van and off she went. For the next 4 days I will not hear her voice, see her face, send or receive texts, enjoy her presence.

Then, this all familiar feeling comes over me like waves and as I pulled away I began to pray. I prayed for her physical and spiritual protection, for flexibility, fun, awesome encounters with God Himself, deepened friendships, laughter and a safe return to me, to our home, to our family. I began running through my mental checklist of things we packed, forgot to pack, said and forgot to say. "Lord, I miss her already, I wish she were home. What if... or what if... or what if..." Then in my spirit I heard Him say to me in a still small voice, "I'm with her and she will find all she needs in Me - I will never leave her, I will be sufficient but YOU have to let her depend on Me, trust Me, seek Me, know Me - apart from you." 

I know it's true. I pray for my children to know God personally. To know when to seek His mercy, forgiveness, restoration, comfort, love and everything He offers but I can't help but wonder if all too often I don't put myself in place of God. Trying to supply their every need. Being everywhere they need me to be. Filling in all the gaps. Rescuing them from every situation. Teaching. Advising. Spoon feeding them. Trying to be God.

So, I wonder if church camp isn't as much for me as them. To teach me to rely on Him. To fully trust Him with her - not just when she's safely in our home but no matter where she is.  He loves her more than I ever could and He is sufficient for her. And me.