July 5, 2003

It is so interesting to look back and where you've been and see where you are now. I don't journal in my book or blog on here each and every day but I have enough history to be able to occasionally look back and recall where I was. It's interesting to see what I was thinking and how God was at work. Our lives truly are a tapestry of His love, grace and work in our lives and I believe with all my heart that nothing takes Him by surprise.

July 3, 2003 was the date of my biopsy and the confirmation that my suspicions and quite frankly my biggest fear was confirmed. I still so vividly remember that weekend being completely rocked by the results but all the while feeling the peace that passes understanding. How grateful I am that I was never alone. Rick wasn't alone as he waited while I had the biopsy done and God was at work behind the scenes all the time. He was carefully and deliberately orchestrating the doctors who would care for me, the places I would be, the people he chose to put in my life and every single detail of it all from beginning to end.

Here is my journal entry from exactly 8 years ago today.

July 5, 2003:  The past few days have seemed to go and go ~ seems like we are living someone elses life but I know this is my life. Today I've mostly felt good emotionally speaking. It's amazing the amount of emotion a person can go through in a day. Yesterday was hard, the numb was wearing off. Reality had sunk in. Satan comes immediately to kill, still and destroy just as Jesus warned he would. I do pretty well fighting him off through prayer and scripture that God faithfully brings to my mind.

I'm really anxious to get this week over with and put this behind us. Once I know exactly what we're up against it will help a lot. I'm ready to move forward. Rick and I are in awe of the people and support we're receiving.  God is so good. He knew the people He needed to place in our lives for such a time as this. He knew how instrumental they would be in our lives.

My friend Kim gave me this journal and a book called A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23 - That is the very 1st scripture I ever memorized at age 10. God knew.

The kids have been amazing. I pray I see them grow up. The need me. I need them. Hunter has been entertained for days. Tracy has had him out and he and Dev have riden 4 wheelers and dirt bikes. Uncle Shawn took him to play tennis and swim then to the Injuns game. The girls went to grandma's and the Eastland fireworks celebration.  Rick, Preslie and I went to K and M's. We sat by their pool. I'm glad Rick had someone to talk to. I know he must be feeling things he can't or won't share with me for fear of burdening me. It wouldn't be a burden to me though. We are so much each other's lives that it is hard to function separately at times. I am grateful for men like M to encourage him and support him through this time. I know we will get through this but the road will be easier with company. Off to bed - good night.

Interesting. Right from the start I clung to God and began digging into His word for everything. SO many blessings have come from my journey through cancer. My walk with God continues to grow deeper and I strive to be more Christ-like. I pray for a boldness to share sweet Jesus with others. I pray I die to self daily and follow after Him. I certainly have not arrived but I am thankful He knows my heart. I am grateful for His promises that I can stand on, trust and believe for everything in life. I am grateful for health and each day. I love that I have a history with God. I love that I can look back and see all the ways and places He has walked me through. God is good all the time and all the time God is good.

Update: So, today, 8 years later I am healthy and cancer free. For the 1st July in 8 years I do not have to go for a check-up with my oncologist. July 4th weekend proves to be a weekend of deep reflection for me. I look back at where I was before cancer, where I was through it and am excited to see what our future holds.  8 years later I am grateful for each day with my husband and kids. Grateful I am here for their lives. Most importantly, I am on a deeper walk with Jesus. He who began a good work in me will complete it!