Fifteen Years Later

Matching Old Navy 4th of July t-shirts, backpacks full of sparklers, hot summer days, lunch in the playhouse, sandboxes, swinging, bike rides, baseball practices, neighborhood kids, running across the street to Mimi and Papas, books before bed, milkshakes and popcorn, giggles of 3 little girls and a wrestling with dad little boy - fun summer days. Simple times. All my hopes and dreams in the flesh and in my arms. I was living the life I always dreamed. 

The 4th of July will always be a pivotal moment in time. Our lives changed drastically in a matter of minutes. The irony of the word freedom is not lost on me. The word in Job became my reality- ‘What I had feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me.’ Job 3:25 But, there is freedom! He has brought me through the fire and the very valley of the shadow of death! 

But God. He didn’t leave or forsake me. He drew me in like I’d never known before. He continues to do just that.  He's been faithful. Not just because I'm healthy and cancer free. His faithfulness is so much more and in so many more ways that just that! He changed me and what the enemy desired to kill, steal and destroy, God redeemed and has given me abundant life. I’m not the same and I’m undone most days by His mercy, love and graciousness to me. He already proved His love by sending His one and only Son. But, He has also fulfilled Romans 8:31 ‘What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all - how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?’ Romans 8:31-32. 

Fifteen years have passed. There’ve been struggles along the way. But, more than that, there has been an overflow and an outpouring of love and blessings from Him that I can’t contain. There is beauty from the ashes and He makes all things new. I thank Him every day that He so graciously and abundantly extended my life. My greatest hope and prayer is that my life brings Him glory. That every day I love Him and the people He gave me more. That I know Him and make Him known. That others see Him in me and that all I am, say, do and think brings Him glory and honor. 

Our days look a lot different now. No more matching t-shirts or lunches in the playhouse, but those 4 babies are now adults or soon to be. People are being added to our family and I get to be a part of their lives. Driving, proms, weddings, new beginnings, dinners around the table, holidays, summer vacations and the extraordinary in the ordinary days. 

Those four babies are now walking with God on their own. They’re still best of friends. They still like to hang out together and reminisce about days so long ago all the while making new memories to look back on one day. They still like milkshakes and popcorn and I’m pretty sure if given the chance, they’d crawl up on my lap and let me read them books again and while wrestling has been replaced by wrangling cattle, the love between us is as strong as ever.  And it is all because of His great love. 

What an extraordinary gift that fifteen years later, I still get to be mom to these four precious souls and wife to my very best friend. He has been gracious to me. I am simply, and eternally grateful. 

Fourth of July 2004 - 1 year healthy

4th of July 2005