Don't Rehearse a Tragedy

There's a show Rick and I record to watch each week and the past two weeks they've quoted something that is good advice and I'm taking it to heart.

Don't rehearse a tragedy. 

Kinda reminds me of Philippians 4 ~ Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 

I can testify that worrying about what if's and what might be's really just steals your day and the peace of mind. And nothing can prepare for trials that may or may not come. 

But, if and when they come ~ and He tell us in this life we will have trouble but take heart, He has overcome! His grace truly is sufficient. Every single time. 

When you've faced a serious health issue, the lens you look through changes and my lens changed in 2003. As a young mom of 4 children under 11 years of age, my lens took a dramatic hit. It seems at times that it never recovered. And, that's really a gift in so many ways because we all, no doubt, take too much for granted and that should not be so. 

The call on my life was being threatened. God had given me a desire from a young age to be a wife and mom. It's all I ever really wanted in life. And He had so richly blessed me with an amazing husband and four kids who exceeded every single dream I ever dreamt. And that was now being threatened and the war was on. 

Though not given a death sentence, in 2003 or in 2020, facing a serious health crisis in your 30's really steals your ability to live carefree. Innocence is somewhat stolen when the unfathomable occurs and I found myself caught in a tension between so much gratefulness ~ for simply being alive ~ and just pure mental exhaustion.

Simply exhausted from being strong, positive, grateful. All. The. Time. Trying to not waste a moment. Make the most of every day. Appreciate everything. Trying to embrace and live each day well, because I'd been given a second chance at life. 

The simple pleasures of making a midnight bottle for a 7 month old, making a lunch for the kids at the counter, reading books before bed, dropping off something they forgot,  going to the grocery store and simple daily tasks became big deals to me. Mundane and routine. Yes.

But, no longer taken for granted because I was in a state of gratefulness that I got to be the mom.  I got to literally be alive and present to do what so many take for granted. I had, too. Those little things became such big deals to me and I never wanted to fail to appreciate them ~ ever again. 

And grateful I was. I still am. But, I'm also tired. Tired of being positive, strong, grateful and embracing and cherishing everything, all  the time. I know that sounds awful, but I need to be honest with myself and I need to process things as they come. And, right now, this is where I'm finding myself. 

I long to be carefree for a moment. To not filter everything through the lens of cancer. To not feel guilt when I complain about something trivial and remind myself that I need to just be grateful I'm alive and well. 

And I am. Truly. 

I long to not filter things through the 'it could be a lot worse' ~ Many, many people have life so much harder. And I ache for them. I really do. My empathy meter is HIGH. I often walk through things that are not mine to walk. It grieves me so deeply at the extent to which so many people are suffering. It often consumes my mind. 

But, to filter and constantly be aware or compare trials is tiring. I know many people have it so much worse than I do ~ But, there are people who have it so much better. 

And none of that really changes a thing. 

So, what to do? Well, I don't linger on those thoughts or let myself become dismayed or discouraged ~ I do believe that's a choice. For a moment I work through the thoughts and feelings and then I get up and do what I know brings peace, clarity, hope, stability.  I often get out my Bible and read truth. Remind myself of what He's told me in the light, so I don't forget in the moments of dark.  Fix my eyes on Jesus. Pray through my prayer journal. Cry out. Find comfort. Receive mercy and in His strength move! 

In this world we will have trouble. But, Jesus tells us, take heart ~ I have overcome the world. 

So, being simply grateful is still better. Embracing and cherishing the people and the mundane. It's still better. Even if it's exhausting at times. 

Simple pleasures in life should be thoroughly enjoyed and this life we are given should be cherished and as I fix my thoughts on Jesus, the author and perfecter of my faith, His peace guards my heart. And my mind. And His joy becomes my strength and exhaustion isn't so palatable. 

His mercies are new this morning. And they'll be new again tomorrow. 

This is the day the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it!

All for His Glory~ 

Mindi